Time, or lack of it

Time.  Why does it seem there is never enough time to get done what I think I need to do? I like to say “if there was truly evolution moms would actually have extra eyes on the back of their heads, extra sets of hands., and extra hours in a day”  But, in truth, that would only mean we would try to do more.

Last night I went to a real foods type of a seminar. It was very interesting. I learned a lot of things there, things I will investigate further to seek to truth about the things presented.  What got me, and two fellow church women who I went with, is- when are you supposed to do these things to make the real and healthy food our bodies crave? What do I cut out to make bread, yogurt, sprout beans and grains, drive (with the cost of gas!!) to purchase raw milk and pastured beef and eggs?  Better yet, have my own farm. Owning our own farm is something that DH and I very much want to do but not practical right at this point.  With three children left to raise, how do you do all of that and still home school and maintain a home life?

While I am sitting here trying to get my thoughts in order I have a mile long to-do-list running through my mind. I have the normal laundry pile, school to supervise, pe class to transport them to, plus 2+some dresses to make for my daughter’s wedding in a couple of weeks, And so I am sitting here writing for my blog. Will all of this get done today? No, because I still have dinner to make and church tonight.  Then there are showers to have taken, planning for our garden to do, and tomorrow.

So, it is only 11 o’clock in the morning and I already feel defeated by today and the demands on my time. What will I do next? What is on my agenda? I think I will pray and see what the Lord wants me go get done and let the rest go. Which is not easy because I see all of these as necessary to be accomplished TODAY.

Matthew 6:34
Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about its own things. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.

Child's walk

One of my favorite definitions of a submissive wife is one that “is on her knees so when God swings at her husband she is out of the way”. Like many women, I want to play junior holy spirit and keep my family totally in line. Then I don’t have to worry about God smacking them. It deeply hurts when you watch somebody you love passionately get disciplined by God, to see how far into the pit they have to descend before they look up. When all the while you can see the direction their choices are taking them and the destruction about to take place.

I have now come to the enlightenment that that is not only the definition of a submissive wife, but also as a loving parent of adult children. It is very heart-rending to watch your child go through struggles that are of their own doing, knowing what would take care of it and having to keep your tongue under control so the lines of communication stay open.  To remember your sins that were born of your walking away from God should give you compassion and empathy for your child.

The biggest hindrance is pride. Pride is usually on both sides of the relationship. Pride that makes me want to rescue my loved ones because I know better, and pride of the child saying “I know what is best for me and I don’t need to listen to you”.  Though I try very hard to keep my mouth closed and to measure my words carefully, things don’t get heard the way they are intended.

Watching your child walk the wide path is probably one of the hardest things I have ever done. To try to be sensitive to the Holy Spirit’s leading of when to rescue, when to talk, or when to give them enough rope to hang themselves requires much prayer which requires much humbleness. It is a hard thing to give up control; I am most comfortable when I control the events in my life. I want to take over when things go wrong. I know that this is the common human response. I don’t want to be a controller, but to give my situations to the One who is The Controller.

“Lord, I believe; help my unbelief!” Mark 9:24